Love is Havoc
by EllieDoesFanficbadly
Summary: Set during X-Men: First Class. When twins with a dark past are recruited by Charles and Erik, what mysteries do they bring with them? And what happens when they're separated? Havok/OC. Rated T for sex references and mild language. I do not own X-Men, all rights belong to Marvel.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey guys! I don't normally introduce fanfics, but with something as complicated as X-Men I thought I should probably clear some things up.**

**This fic is based off the movies, not the comics, so there'll be no Havok/Polaris anywhere. Also, because of the messed up movie timeline, I won't be including characters from the original trilogy that weren't in First Class. Basically, Alex and Scott aren't brothers.**

**Oh, and this story is set from my OC's, Lily, point of view.**

**Anyway, I think that just about clears everything up! Hope you enjoy :)**

**I do not own X-Men, only Lily and Lexie. All rights belong to Marvel.**

* * *

Twiddling my mahogany hair between my fingers, I look around at the strange gathering of people. There are eight of us, including myself and Lexie. I turn to my twin and I see her concentrating on her nails, picking at the navy polish. Lexie never was the talkative one; and for good enough reasons.

Suddenly, the girl who had introduced herself as Raven spoke up from amongst the idle small talk..

"We're government agents now, we should have secret code names. I wanna be called Mystique." She announces, clearly having previously thought about it.

"Damn, I wanted to be called Mystique!" the ginger kid, Sean, protests, with hints of awe in his voice. Evidently, he was jealous that he hadn't thought of it first. A few chuckles escape a number of people.

"Well, tough I called it." Raven laughs. There's a wave of blue and suddenly there's two of Sean. "Besides, I'm way more mysterious than you." A few people clap and I let myself laugh as Sean turned back into a rather bashful Raven.

"Darwin, what about you?" Raven asks the Afro-American sat next to me. He gives me a rather warm vibe, like a big brother.

"Well, uh, Darwin's already a nickname, and, y'know," he explains, bobbing his head slightly, "It sorta fits. Adapt to survive, and all." He looks around at our puzzled faces before saying

"Check this out." He gets up and saunters over to the fish bowl. Making sure everyone is looking, he plunges his head into the water, becoming face to face with some rather taken aback goldfish. We watch with awe as Darwin sprouts gills and grins at us.

"Whoa!"

"That was incredible." Hank applauds.

"Thank you, thank you." Darwin does a mock bow and sits back down. I smile as I glance over at Lexie and find her mouth open wide.

"I'm going to be... Banshee." Sean says.

"Why do you want to be named after a wailing spirit?" Hank asks, confused. Sean just smirks.

"You might want to cover your ears." I hesitate at first, not wanting to look stupid, but quickly press my hands to my ears as I see others doing it too. Sean lines himself up with the glasses and inhales loudly. Glancing briefly at us, he lets out a little, high-pitched whistle and the entire window shatters. I hold my hands up to my face, protecting myself from the falling glass and we all laugh.

"Your turn." Sean says, gesturing to the hispanic girl on my other side and then sitting back in his place. The girl gets up.

"Well uh, my 'stage name' is Angel," she says, taking off her jacket. Sean whistles. "It kinda fits." I watch with amazement as her tattoo detaches itself from her body and a pair of dragonfly-like wings unfurl themselves from her back.

"You can fly?" Raven asks, amazed.

"Uh-huh. And um..." Angel repositions herself, bending towards the window slightly. Then she does something totally unexpected – she spits a fireball into the air, and I watch in shocked awe as it lands directly on top of the statue.

"Oh, that is TOO cool!" I say, laughing as I say it.

"Oh yeah?" Angel asks with a smirk. "Well what about you?" she sits down and feel everybody's eyes land on me.

"And what about your sister? She hasn't said a word since you arrived." Alex states plainly. He was really starting to get on my nerves... He was too, well, blunt. Possibly even a little inconsiderate.

"Can she even talk? She's not retarded or anything?" He continues. I take my previous remark back. Alex is a straight up douche bag. Raven kicks him in the shin, hard. I can feel the pain radiating off him, but his face shows no sign of hurt.

"Yes, I can talk." Lexie snaps.

"Calm down, Lex," I warn her, "You might do something you regret."

"Ohh, I'm so scared." Alex says sarcastically, holding his hands up in mock surrender.

"If you're such a coward, why don't you just hide." Lexie snaps, but this time in the familiar angelic sing-song voice. The voice that means mischief.

As if he was in a trance, Alex jumps up and curls into the foetal position behind his chair. I (along with several others) laugh hysterically – Lexie's gift never gets old.

"I can make people do whatver I want." Lexie explains. "I just have to sing it."

"Siren! You should be called Siren!" Raven calls out, in between chuckles as a rather dazed Alex picks himself off the floor and slumps back down in the chair. He scowls at me.

I stand up, straightening myself out.

"Well um, I'm an empath. I can detect other peoples feelings and I can channel my emotions into something physical, like this." I hold my hand out and a blinding tower of light stretches from my hand. "Right now I'm really happy, so um... yeah." The others clap in amazement, but I'm not done yet. "I can also channel other peoples emotions. Watch." I say. I walk over to Darwin and place my hand on his arm. I laugh as the group of people surrounding me stare at the fireworks protruding my fingertips.

"Amazement." I explain, and I walk over to Sean. I touch his arm and I watch as a fiery rose grows in my palm. I wrinkle my nose a little.

"Lust. Ew." I say, blowing out the rose as everyone laughs and Sean turns a light shade of pink.

"And..." I walk past Alex, about to do my trick on him, when I see him tense up. The emotions I feel are mixed – there is a hint of happiness but it is over shadowed by a depressing, dark feeling. I look into his eyes and there is so much mystery - so much _hurt_ – that I am compelled not to reveal this boy's current emotional state to the entire group. Besides, Lexie has already embarrassed him tonight – an unprovoked attack could start a full on fight.

"... You get the picture." I finish, walking away. I might've been mistaken, but I swear I felt a slight sense of gratitude radiating off of Alex.

"Hmm... what about... Nerva? Nerva!" Raven says excitedly. Nerva. I could live with that. Everyone nods their heads in agreement. Even Alex. I don't take my eyes off him as he turns to Hank and says

"What about you? Big Foot?" he laughs at his own joke and takes another sip of his beer. Geez, what a dick move.

"Well you know what they say about guys with big feet," Raven retaliates, "And uh, yours look kinda small." She smirks, peering at Alex's feet. I turn the hint of anger in me into fire, and launch the little fire bullet at his sleeve.

"Oooh, burn." I tease, as Alex pats at the fire, putting it out. Lexie laughs and I feel the tension in the room rising. Apparently, so does Darwin as he tries to settle the group down.

"Ok, alright. Alex, what do you do?" Alex tenses again. There's something about him that makes me want to know more. "It's not um, I-I can't, I just can't do it it... in here. I can't do it in here." Hmm. Curiouser and curiouser.

"Can you do it out there?" Darwin asks, gesturing to the newly shattered window.

"Why don't you just do it out there?" Raven pressures. Alex just shakes his head.

"Aw, come on -"

"Come on!"

"Alex! Alex! Alex!"Darwin starts chanting. Soon enough, we're all chanting Alex's name, with the exception of Hank, who just looks uncomfortable but smiles all the same.

"If you don't we'll just get Lexie to make you." Sean jokes. Alex, looking rather defeated, puts his hand up and starts walking towards the window.

"Get down when I tell you."

"Get down when I tell you." Sean mocks.

We peer out the window, eager to see what his power is. Lexie squishes against me, trying to get a better view.

"Get back." Alex warns us. We pull back into the room but then immediately stick our heads out again.

"Get back." Alex says again, more impatient this time. "Whatever." he sighs.

We watch in silence as Alex begins to twist his torso and throws out red rings of energy. We all take a few shocked steps back and Raven ducks, covering her head with her arms.

Alex steadies himself and I laugh in awe at the destruction he has caused. The buildings are seared and the solid bronze statue has been sliced neatly in half. It's also on fire. There's silence for a moment before we all start applauding loudly.

"Fiery hula hoops of death. Impressive." I laugh, as Alex saunters back through the window. He smirks a little, but I can feel his displeasure cutting through me like a knife.

"Havok!" Raven christens Alex. "But with a K, not a C. I never remember to spell it with a C." We all laugh a little and we sit back down in our places, the excitement over.

"Well," Angel begins. Immediately, I am worried. "I think we deserve a little music."

**A/N – Hey! I hope you enjoy. Bonus points if you spot the Alice in Wonderland reference :) I've been working on this fic for a while now, and I think I just about got it right. Please review!**

**Ellie x**


	2. Chapter 2

**I do not own X-Men, only Lily and Lexie. All rights belong to Marvel.**

* * *

I laugh hysterically as Sean and Alex repeatedly smash chairs and other furniture into Darwin's rock solid exterior. Lexie is up on the sofa, dancing with Raven and Angel. She seems to have taken a liking to Angel – I'm happy for her. Lexie never really had any friends, except for me.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Everyone stops in their tracks. There, where the window should be, are Charles, Erik and a very angry looking woman. A very angry looking woman indeed.

We look at her sheepishly.

"Who destroyed the statue?" she asks, pointing at its metal remains accusingly.

"It was Alex." Hank says quickly, not really thinking. Raven comes to the rescue.

"No, Havok. We have to call him Havok, that's his name now. And we were thinking," Raven says, walking towards them, "You should be Professor X," she says pointing at Charles, before moving her arm to point at Erik, "and YOU should be Magneto." There's silence for a moment.

"Exceptional." Erik says, walking away, the woman in tow.

"I expect more from you." Charles' jab at Raven is short but painful. Her hurt and sadness floods me just as quickly as it floods her.

She watches sadly as Charles walks away.

* * *

"Jesus man, you are KILLING me." Darwin complains, as Alex focuses intently at the pinball machine.

"Don't beat yourself up, I had a lot of spare time."

Alex's last remark confuses me. Hank had said that he'd been in prison for the last four years – and I don't think they gave their prisoners meaningless arcade machines.

The thought quickly leaves my mind as Raven brings me out of my trance.

"Hey Lily? Why are your eyes amber? They were grey when we first met." she says. I laugh slightly.

"They change colour with my mood." I explain, earning a few nods of the head from the others. I tune out again as Angel and Lexie start discussing something softly. I look around at the room we were in. We had been moved into an almost identical room – except this one had a pinball machine, and overlooked a second, statueless courtyard. Plus, this room had all it's windows.

"Oh, I didn't know the circus was in town!" an arrogant CIA agent catches my attention. "Hey, come on honey, give us a little uh..." he flaps his arms in a ridiculous, childlike motion. "No? Come on, let's see the foot." I can feel the anger starting to rise up inside of me. Hank gets up and starts to walk to the button which closes the curtains.

"There it is, come on Big Foot. Let's go." Hank salutes the man mockingly as the curtains close.

"Hey, come on. Hey!" As Hank sits back down, I feel my happiness subside and I know my eyes have turned red. The room turns silent, except the soft pinging of the pinball machine.

"They're just guys being stupid." Raven tries to comfort Angel, who is visibly upset.

"Guys being stupid I can handle. Okay, I've handled that my whole life." she snaps. "But I'd rather a bunch of guys stare at me with my clothes off than the way these ones stare at me." More silence.

"At us." Raven adds sadly.

Our bitter conversation is brought to an end by the abrupt sound of a thud coming from outside. We stare at each other in confusion.

"What was that?" Darwin asks a worried expression growing on his face. We stay still for a moment, listening to the thuds, before Darwin speaks again.

"I don't know, something doesn't feel right." He says, walking towards the window. Alex gives the pinball machine one last flick and then follows him. Darwin opens the curtains, and we all huddle around the window. Lexie and I grip each others arms tightly. There's silence and then there's a wooshing sound.

"What is that?" Darwin asks. We look up to see a devil-like man holding up someone else. And then he isn't. The CIA agent yells and lands with gigantic thud right in front of the window, causing Raven, Angel and I to scream. Lexie jumps back, dragging me with her. Suddenly, the roof lights turn on and the sky is littered with falling bodies. Several CIA agents come running to save us, one yelling at us to get back. In a flash of flames, the Devil man appears in a puff of smoke and we all scream for the agents to turn around, but the Devil man disappears again before any of their bullets reach him. Screaming, we rush to duck behind the sofa. Darwin stands closest to the edge, his arms stretched out to shield us from the oncoming storm. The glass shatters as a bullet hits the window, and from the other we see Hank's precious Cerebro machine being destroyed by a vicious hurricane. Hank radiates sadness and frustration.

As the Devil man starts killing more agents, Angel screams louder and Raven sobs harder.

"Stay here my ass!" Darwin yells. "GO!" Making sure the coast was clear, I pull Lexie to her feet and drag her into the corridor.

"GET BACK!" the agents scream at us.

"We can help! We can help!" Darwin tries to plead, but we're just pushed back. Raven's hysterical, a complete mess. Even I'm crying a little. A wave of heat hits me, followed by an immense explosion. Raven screams as agents are sucked into the flames, and we run back to where we were.

Chaos surrounds us; there's no escape.

Raven sobs louder and screams again when an agent is launched through the only remaining window by the hurricane. Devil man stabs the last agent and Raven whimpers. I can't be the only person to notice that we've completely backed ourselves into a corner.

The hurricane turns into a sharply dressed Hispanic man, and he and the Devil man enter the room.

Someone shoots and Raven screams again.

"Wait, wait! You want the mutants? They're right through that door! Just let us normal people go! We're no threa-" a muffled voice is cut off and Raven's face changes into one of disgust.

A helmeted man walks through the door. To be honest, he looks kind of stupid. I sniff, wiping away a few stray tears.

"Where's the telepath?" he asks the Devil man in a soft voice.

"Not here." Devil man responds.

"Oh." The helmeted man nods. "At least I can take this silly thing off." At least we agree on something - he does look entirety silly. He pulls the helmet off and runs a hand through his long hair.

"Good evening." he addresses us. "My name's Sebastian Shaw. And I am not here to hurt you." Liar. Your little sidekicks just murdered a fleet of CIA agents!

A lone agent appears across the courtyard.

"Freeze!"

Shaw sighs. "Azazel?"

The Devil man (whose name was apparently Azazel) teleports over to the man, kills him, and teleports back.

Shaw turns back to us. "My friends," he begins, passing his helmet to the other mutant, "there's a revolution coming, when mankind discovers who we are – what we can do. Each of us will face a choice: be enslaved, or rise up to rule." His eyes linger on me for longer than I would have liked. I reach to take Lexie's hand. Shaw's not done yet.

"Choose freely, but know that if you are not with us then you are, by definition, against us." Lexie squeezes my hand.

"So. You can stay, fight for the people that hate and fear you. Or, you can join me, and live like Kings." he holds eye contact with Angel. "And queens." He holds his hand out to her.

And Angel takes it.

"Angel!" Raven and I say at the same time. There's more hurt in our voices than we should be letting on.

"Are you kidding me?" Sean asks. Angel looks back at us.

"Come on. We don't belong here," she says, shaking her head, "and that's nothing to be ashamed of." Darwin reaches out to her, but Angel turns away.

"She's right." My soul breaks. I turn to face Lexie.

"You don't mean that." my voice catches, and a silent tear rolls down my face.

"I'm sorry." Lexie says, her voice quiet, her tear matching mine. Then she pushes past me, and takes Angel's other hand.

"Lexie!" I call after her, properly crying now. How could my sister, my own TWIN sister, abandon me like this?

"Come with me, Lily." I take a step towards her, and a gasp omits Raven's mouth. I turn to look at my new group of friends, and then back at my sister.

Do I stay with my new friends? Or go with my sister, my best friend since birth?

People like me? Murderous excuses for mutants?

The good guys? The bad guys?

Swallowing hard, I shake my head and tears flow freely. "I'm sorry." I cry. I stumble backwards, into Darwin's arms. He puts his arm across me protectively.

"I'm sorry." I whisper again. "I just can't." I see Shaw raise an eyebrow at me, and Lexie looks like I just slapped her round the face. She frowns, and does something she promised she'd never do.

She sings to me.

"Come with me, Lily..." her melodious voice drags me in, and I want to reach for her... Raven gasps again, and I hear Alex mutter something that sounds an awful lot like "Disgusting." I struggle to break free from Darwin, but in the struggle my eyes meet Lexie's, and I realise.

We are nothing alike.

We may look similar, but we are not.

And I will not go with her.

I snap out of my trance, and block my ears with my hands. I feel Alex and Raven pull me further back into the group, and Raven wraps her arms around me in a comforting embrace. She's hurting, but no where near as much as me. She has been betrayed, but not as badly as me.

Lexie has broken me.

"We have to do something." Raven mutters. Alex and Darwin exchange a few harsh whispers. Alex pushes Darwin in the side and Darwin turns away.

"Stop." Darwin calls out. "I'm coming with you." Angel smiles smugly and I watch in disbelief as Darwin moves towards the line of mutants. Shaw steps towards him.

"Good choice. So tell me about your mutation." He says slyly.

"Well I adapt to survive." Darwin explains. Alex leads us into the centre of the room, with me still sobbing softly into Raven's jacket.

"So I guess that means I'm coming with you." Darwin finishes. Shaw nods.

"I like that." Darwin stands next to Angel.

"ALEX!" he calls out.

"GET DOWN!" Alex yells at us. Raven pushes me down so fast I can't even comprehend what's happening.

"Do it!" Darwin yells, forming a rock solid barrier and dipping Angel and Lexie to protect them. For a moment, I think I am going to get my sister back, but then we watch in horror as Shaw absorbs the energy.

"Protecting your fellow mutants?" He sighs in a satisfied manner. "That's a noble gesture." Darwin gets up, confused, and Angel and Lexie move back towards Azazel.

"Feels good." says Shaw. He turns sharply to Darwin. Darwin goes to throw a punch but is quickly blocked. Shaw grabs his mouth.

"Adapt to this." and we watch, horrified expressions on our faces, as he puts all of Alex's energy into Darwin's mouth.

Shaw, Azazel, Hurricane man, Angel and Lexie disappear into a burst of flames. I begin to stand up slowly, and that's when I see Darwin.

His body struggles to battle the energy; he turns silver first and then a hot, fiery rock. His hand reaches for us, and as I reach out for him it happens.

Darwin explodes.

Hank, Sean and Raven slowly stand up to inspect the damage. I hear Raven sob as she sees little pieces of Rock Darwin scattered throughout the compound. All I can feel is darkness. Alex and I look at each other and in that instant, we both know how much the other is hurting.

He practically killed a man.

I just lost my other half.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer - I do not own X-Men, only Lily. All rights belong to Marvel.**

* * *

That night I do not sleep. I am in shock right up until my head hits the pillow, and despite it's welcoming softness, it hits me like a ton of bricks.

Lexie betrayed us. She left.

And she's never coming back.

And then I sob – quietly at first, and then so hysterically I have to muffle my cries with the pillow. I have never felt so empty, so torn.

At one point, when I have run out of tears to cry, I manage to mould an exact replica of my sister from the water slowly excreting from my palm. I suddenly feel an overwhelming wave of nausea hit me. Running from my room, I dive straight into the shared bathroom and immediately start retching. I must've been there for at least five minutes before I notice Raven. She's holding my hair and is rubbing my back, whispering soothing words. Once I stop being sick, I collapse into Raven's arms. And we stay there, all night, wrapped in each other's embrace.

* * *

We sit outside the destroyed CIA headquarters. Hank and Raven are talking softly to each other and Sean has his eyes closed.

"Are you okay?" Alex's soft voice takes me by surprise. "I heard you being sick last night." He nudges me a little. "And crying." I smile softly, grateful for his concern.

"Sorry. That probably wasn't the best thing to hear as you're trying to sleep." I say, not exactly answering his question. He chuckles softly.

"Raven!" I look up and see Charles hurriedly making his way through the debris, swiftly followed by Erik.

Raven and Charles embrace before he turns to us.

"I've made arrangements for you to be taken home immediately." he says, with very little authority in his voice.

"We're not going home." Sean tells him. Which is lucky, because I don't have a home to go to. Not anymore.

"What?"

"And he's not going back to prison." Sean adds as an after thought, turning to Alex.

"He killed Darwin!" Alex protests. I'm glad Alex sees this isn't his fault. There's no way he could of known that was going to happen; now it's just me with irreparable wounds.

"All the more reason for you to leave." Charles says. "This is over." Raven looks at him with disgust.

"Darwin's dead Charles. And we can't even bury him." Alex winces and hangs his head. Maybe he's not quite as over it as I thought. Erik finally speaks up.

"We can avenge him." his words catch us off guard. None of us had thought about revenge, and yet it seems to instantly become our number one priority. Shaw will pay for killing Darwin. Shaw will pay for taking Lexie.

"Erik, a word please." Charles sighs, dragging Erik out of earshot. We watch in silence as they have a heated debate, before Charles sighs and walks back towards us.

"We'll have to train." he announces. "All of us. Yes?"

"Yeah." Alex is the first of us to say anything. He's quickly followed by a chorus of "yeah"s and "yes"s.

"Well, we can't stay here." Hank points out. "I mean, even if they reopened the department, it's not safe." he sighs a sigh of defeat. "We've got nowhere to go."

We're all quiet.

"Yes, we do." Charles corrects him.

* * *

My eyelids flutter open as we pull down the drive way of a beautifully kept mansion. I lift my head and realise I've been napping on Alex's shoulder. He smirks at me.

"Sorry." I mumble, rubbing the side of my head. Peering out the window, I am met with a vast expanse of luscious land.

"Where are we?" I ask, bewildered.

"Charles' mansion." Alex replies.

"I meant which state."

"Oh." Alex furrows his eyebrows. "New York, I think." I try to keep my jaw from dropping. New York? Really? This was very different from the bustling city of New York, packed full of tourists. Mind you, why would there be tourists at Charles' mansion? And I guess that NYC is considerably smaller than an entire state...

The car pulls to a stop and I stumble out of the army vehicle. I feel Alex's hand pull my shoulder back a little, steadying me.

"Whoa..." I say under my breath, staring up at the mansion in front of me. It's enormous – not to mention beautiful. I wish Lexie could see this.

Honestly, I have to stop thinking like that. Lexie left us, she doesn't want to be with us. So I shouldn't want to be with her.

"This is yours?" Sean asks in a very disbelieving tone.

"No. It's ours." Charles corrects him. We're quiet for a moment.

"Honestly Charles, I don't know how you survived. Living in such hardship." Erik quips.

"Well, it was a hardship softened by me." Raven says, moving towards Charles and being kissed lovingly on the side of her head.

"Come on," she sighs, "Time for the tour."

We follow Raven inside, waiting for the building's full grandeur to sink in.

* * *

Sighing, I place my folded clothes into the drawer. I brought barely anything with me, so all my clothes fit into one drawer. I refused to take Lexie's clothes with me, on the basis that I didn't want to be reminded of her betrayal whilst I was trying to focus on saving the world from a nuclear war.

I reach into my duffel bag and pull out the last two things.

One is my notebook – it's not really a journal, just a collection of thoughts. I'm not very good at writing (I never really got the hang of it) so if anybody other than myself were to look in it they'd just see a jumble of letters and words.

The other is a very small trinket box. It's a little wooden box that had been painted turquoise and has a very small silver latch on the front. Inside, is my most treasured possession.

A thin, gold chain with a delicate charm in the shape of a swallow. My mother had given it to me before she died – she was the only person who I had told about my mutation. Even Lexie didn't know.

I'm brought out of my trance by a sharp knock on the door. I snap the lid to my box shut.

"Come in!" I call out, placing my notebook and the box in the top drawer of my bedside cabinet.

Raven walks in, holding a pile of grey clothes.

"Charles says we have to wear these to training." She sits down on the bed and passes the clothes to me. It's the ugliest sweat-suit I have ever seen in my life. Raven laughs at my face.

"Yeah, that's sort of what I thought. Here," she says, this time passing me a grey vest top, "I think you might prefer this." I smile gratefully as Raven gets up and walks towards the door.

"Oh, and dinner is at eight." she returns my smile and shuts the door. Sighing, I flop down onto the bed. I just want to sleep.

* * *

We all sit around the dining table in silence. It's huge, and even with ten of us sat around it we barely fill half the table. I pick at my plate of food.

"Training starts tomorrow. Erik, we'll start developing your skills first, and the rest of you should work on your physical ability."

Charles is met with silence.

"I'm sorry," I say, "I'm not hungry." I push my nearly full plate away and leave the dining hall. In truth, I am starving, but anything I eat doesn't stay down for long. It keeps coming back up. I walk quickly through the mansion, not wanting to be followed. I head for my room, but something stops me. As I walk past an open door, I catch a glimpse of what's inside. Books. Hundreds and hundreds of books. Checking no one is around, I push the door open further and walk slowly inside. I turn to the nearest shelf and admire the view. There are shelves and shelves of books – most hardback and leather bound. I stroke the supple leather, breathing in the familiar smell. Picking the nearest one of the shelf, I open it on a random page. I try to focus my mind on the words, but the harder I focus, the more the words seem to taunt me. They are screaming in my head, but I can't understand the jumble of yells. The letters seem to dance on the page, spinning in circles making me dizzier and dizzier and dizzier...

"Dickens. One of my favourites, actually." Charles says from behind me. His voice makes me jump and the book falls from my hands.

"Sorry." I mutter, bending down to pick it up. I straighten up again and Charles takes the book from me, smiling fondly at the cover.

"Great Expectations. Have you read it?" I shake my head. "Shame. It's really rather wonderful." He puts the book back on the shelf. "You seem very at home in a library." he comments.

"I grew up in a book store. My parents owned it." I explain.

"Oh, so you must have read a lot then?"

I stay silent for a moment, unsure of whether to continue.

"No, actually." Charles frowns. "I'm dyslexic." Charles is stunned. He masks it well, but I am an empath. I can tell how someone's feeling as easily as I can tell that the sky is blue. Charles regains himself.

"Raven's looking for you. You should probably go find her, she gets frustrated easily." I nod my thanks and quickly shuffle out of the library, leaving Charles slight puzzled.

**A/N – In case it wasn't obvious, Lily can form water when she's sad. She wasn't just sweating loads. Review!**

**Ellie x**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer - I do not own X-Men, only Lily. All rights belong to Marvel. This chapter starts to give us an insight into Lily's dark past.**

* * *

As I lie on Raven's bed, I think about what happened in the library. Charles was so surprised to learn about my dyslexia, but surely if he was a mind reader, he must've known already?

I stare up at the intricately carved ceiling. The curves and grooves are hypnotic, and I barely notice Raven calling my name.

"Lily!"

I jerk towards the sound.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you." Raven sits on the edge of the bed, a worried look on her face. "What are you thinking about?" I lie back down. "You have to talk to me, Lily. You might be able to tell how others are feeling, but the rest of us can't." Raven says sternly. "So tell me what you're thinking about." I stay silent, and Raven sighs. "Fine," she says, lying down next to me. "But one day, you'll have to talk to someone. Or you'll never feel any better." I turn my head towards Raven.

"You're right. But today is not that day."

* * *

I wake up in the middle of the night, my stomach growling like a wild beast. After I left Raven's room, I went straight to bed, and my abstinence from food has started to take it's toll.

I creep downstairs, managing to avoid all but one creaky floor board, and go straight into the kitchen. Rummaging through some cupboards, I manage to find some crackers. I take a handful and sit down on a bar stool, nibbling on the corner of one.

"You should've eaten something at dinner." The voice startles me, and I turn to see Alex plucking an apple from the fruit bowl and pulling out a chair.

"I don't feel very well." I replied bluntly. I was not in the mood to discuss my broken eating habits that match my broken self.

Alex raises his eyebrow. "Plain crackers?" he asks, taking a bite out of his apple.

"My mom used to give us them when we were feeling sick." I respond, remembering my mother sadly. I don't want the crackers anymore.

Alex has obviously picked up on my change in mood – probably helped by the fact my eyes have turned blue. He takes another apple from the bowl and gently throws it to me.

"Try one. They're good." he says as I catch it. I smile gratefully and watch as Alex stands up and leaves, just as quietly as he had entered.

* * *

In the morning, I am awoken to a deafening screech. I hear someone yell Sean's name, a door slamming and Sean laughing hysterically. I tiptoe to my door and peer out. Sean is slumped against Erik's door, shaking with laughter.

Rolling my eyes, I pull on the ugly sweats and run a comb through my hair, before pulling it into a bun. As I am tying up the laces on my plimsolls, there's a sharp knock on the door, and Raven flings it open.

"Raven!" I exclaim, "I could've been naked!" Raven just shrugs.

"Nothing I haven't seen before." she jokes, and pulls me downstairs.

* * *

"Now I want you to focus very carefully. Use your emotions to try and block me out." Charles tells me. It's the afternoon, and my turn to train my abilities. Despite my protests, he's called Alex and Raven in to help.

"And what if it goes wrong?" I ask, gesturing towards the other people in the room.

"It won't." Charles comforts me. I don't trust him. I sigh.

"Fine. Ready?" Charles nods and takes up a fighting stance. Then he puts two fingers to his temple and I can feel him trying to access my memories.

I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I summon all of the anger and hatred from heart and I thrust my palms towards Charles. Fire and ice shoot from my palms, and I scream from the pain. The world starts to spin and slow down, and they next thing I know, it's gone black.

When I wake up, I am lying on soft grass. Grass? I sit up, rubbing my head slightly. Looking around I see Charles, Alex and Raven do the same. What happened? Where are we?

"Lily!" I turn around and I see a young boy with shaggy raven hair running towards me. He looks about eight. I gasp as I realise who it is.

"Darren?" I ask the boy, bewildered. But he doesn't stop – he runs right through me, as if I wasn't even there. Standing up, I look around. Everything's slightly misty and fuzzy, and it takes me a while to realise where we are. We're in the meadow I used to play in as a child. I watch as my childhood friend, Darren, runs towards a young girl with long, mahogany hair.

"Who is that?" Alex asks.

"It's me." I whisper. A lone tear slips down my face as I recall the happy memories. Darren was the second person I ever told about my mutation – my mother being the first. And technically, I didn't tell him. He read my mind.

We became very close friends. This was before Lexie had discovered her mutation, and I was afraid my own sister would think I was a freak. I isolated myself, spending hours in this very meadow, lying in the daisies next to the river.

I watch as Darren and my younger self laugh about something hysterically, and a small laugh escapes my mouth.

"This is most peculiar..." Charles mutters. Alex, Raven and Charles move closer to me, unsure of what is going on. I smile at my younger self's happiness. What I'd give to be like that again.

Suddenly, two teenage boys appear in the meadow. I recognise them immediately, and my mouth falls open in horror as I realise what I'm about to witness. Again.

"No..." I whisper, almost breathlessly. "No!" I scream, much louder. Alex grabs my hand.

The teenage boys grab the struggling Darren and pin him against the tree on the river bank. I can see myself having a heated debate with the teenage boys and although I can't hear it, I know exactly what they're saying. These two boys had heard Darren in their heads, they knew he was a mutant. And they figured that I was a mutant too. And they wanted to get rid of us.

I don't have time to close my eyes as the knife is thrust into Darren's stomach.

I hear a blood-curdling scream coming from the eight-year-old me. Raven screams too, but no where near as loud. I feel Charles and Alex recoil in horror.

I watch, all over again, as Darren's body slumps lifelessly to the ground and the boys turn on me. Knowing what happens next, I turn my head to see Lexie sprinting towards me, yelling for me to run. Eight-year-old Lily, in a confused panic, outstretches her palm and a stream of fire roars from it, setting one of the boys alight. By this point, Lexie has reached me and I have a horrified expression on my face, matching the other teenage boy's. Lexie tries pulling me away, but when the boy turns on her, she snaps something at him and he turns toward the river. Then, with no explanation, he drowns himself. Lexie had discovered her mutation.

A large man's yells make everyone spin around. My father comes running through us and I see myself and Lexie running, hand in hand, as fast as legs would carry us.

The image shifts and I let out a shaky breath, gasping for air. I pray I don't have to witness that again. As our surroundings change into a city landscape, I see Charles, Alex and Raven staring at me. Raven has tears in her eyes, and furiously wipe away the ones trickling down my cheek.

"What's happening?" I yell at Charles.

"I must have pushed into your brain – your empathy mutation is allowing us to see your memories." he speculates.

A scream makes us all turn around.

Oh God.

We're standing in an alleyway. In the image I'm fifteen, and I still have nightmares about this day. Lexie and I had been on the run for a couple of years now, about seven, scavenging whatever we could find. On this particular day, Lexie had gone to beg outside the local grocery store. She was only gone for half an hour.

In the image before us, I'm being pressed against the wall by man in his early twenties, with a sick glint in his eye. I'm struggling, but something the man says makes me stop.

He pulls out $500 in cash.

I turn away, and stare directly into Alex's eyes, willing him not to watch. He does though.

I just cry silently as I watch Raven's horrified expression and I see Charles turn away too. He knows what's about to happen, and I'm grateful he, at least, spares me my dignity. Alex's jaw clenches, and eventually he turns away too. The image is short – shorter than my memory.

Our surroundings shift again.

We're in the CIA headquarters, and Lexie is holding her hand out to me. I watch, sobbing hysterically, as she leaves us. All. Over. Again.

The world around us becomes clear once more and we're back in Charles' study. I collapse, hyperventilating, gasping for air. I turn to my friends and I can't tell if their faces are those of pity or disgust. I pull myself up, stumbling everywhere, and run as fast as I can away from them.

**A/N – Sorry for the wait! And how heavy this chapter got... It was a lot worse, but I took some parts out because I don't want them to be revealed yet. Being a mutant would be really tough, so I hope you don't think I'm being over-dramatic.**

**Ellie x**


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